Sunday, March 11, 2007

Whose Blogging Now?

I think WE’VE found the cure to Hub’s impatience with my blog. I say ‘we have’ cause you’ve had a hand in this as well. When Hub isn’t asking me to “come cruising” (see previous blog), he’s back to querying me about why I blog.

When I say, by way of response, to help me improve the art of writing, he reminds me of the time he bought me an electric chord organ for Christmas. I fiendishly played that thing non-stop for more than 3 years and I got better, but still eventually no amount of practice would take me beyond a reasonable, but could-be-a whole-lot-better fixed plateau. So likewise, he reminds me about the cleansing of constipated computers and desk drawers around here that have to be regularly purged of my journals and scribbles. That he argues, is evidence that I have reached a similar plateau in the field of writing (ie. further improvement not going to happen).

And so then I say I blog because I want to do my small part to make the world a better place. And his comeback is to point out that statement is a direct expression of one thing, but at the same time, an indirect expression of something else. The false belief that I understand life better than others. ‘Making the world a better place’, though humbly expressed as a good thing, it is an egotistical thing that twirls itself into something that is pretty unattractive.

And so then I say it’s for therapy. A form of self-expression that gives me contentment. And then he says contentment comes with a regulated life. A little of this, a little of that, without lavish overindulgence in anything except backrubs for him.

And so then I say I have friends here that enjoy conversing with me and I with them. And then he says I could talk to him more instead.

And then I say it’s because I have always loved to write, needed to write, wanted to write and then he says anything that runs interference in our relationship to that extent borders on adultery. Besides it’s just a feeble excuse. So now you see how it is. ‘Nuff said.

So now we move to the resolution of this debate. And it starts with my need to express to all of you heartfelt gratitude and appreciation. To all of you that have taken a moment to make such funny, cute, and complementary comments to posts that involve Hub’s antics (like my last one).

And what I’ve noticed is next morning with printouts in hand, as I prepare to share your comments with Hub, he sits at the kitchen table looking grumpy, impatient, distracted, and in pain. But then, he can’t help himself. He hears your comments and I see that he is entertained, pleased, flattered and totally amused. (Bit of ego happening here, it would seem to me).

Now Hub knows everything there is to know about the internal workings of computers. He has a room loaded with motherboards, memory chips, wires, and plugs of one gender or another, and there is always a computer on the table that he is tweaking up. So I often think, that with a electronic intelligence that so far surpasses my own, he should have his own blog.

But would Hub ever have a blog? Nah. That’s no more likely than getting him to change from shorts and cowboy boots to shorts and sandals. It ain’t gonna’ happen.

But the tiresome debate over my blogging between Hub and I has finally come pretty much to a full stop. And not because I’ve eased up on my writing or because I’m busy doing backrubs. The debate has subsided because you, yes I mean ‘you’, have saved the day by radically weakening all of Hub’s criticisms about my false beliefs, arrogant ego, feeble excuses, and practice makes perfect.

Cause now when Hub says or does something silly or funny, I relay it to you. You comment and I relay that feedback to him early the next morning. And then Hub laughs and sings as he heads out the door to do whatever he does in his shop or in the yard.

The birds hush. There’s not much point in trying to be heard with Hub’s singing drowning out any hope they had for ‘making the world a better place’ by lending their choral enchantment to a new day.

So, though Hub may never have his own blog, the virtual reality that comes out of this discussion, the direct expression that inadvertently twirls itself into an alternate meaning is “Whose blogging now?”


Joy Des Jardins said...

I think in general people who don't blog or understand the reasons why others blog are destined never to truly "get it." Husbands included. Unless Hub actually sits down and expresses himself in words and opens himself up to a vulnerability he probably isn't that comfortable with, he may always ask...or at least wonder..."Why do you blog Roberta?"

It's the give and take of communication that is so appealing for any of us who do it. And I think that the giving end of it is the part a lot of non-bloggers just can't wrap their heads around. They're not sure why anyone would decide to open themselves up in such a way...through words...and to, basically, stangers at that.

I started my blog just three months before my husband died. At that time we really had no idea of what was in store. Though Joel never actually asked me the questions that Hub asks you, he never really talked about it to me at all....even though he was quite a wonderful writer himself. We had become very good about giving each other the space that each of us needed for such things. I just did my thing. Then one day when we were sitting in the dining room having coffee, he commented on a post I had written that touched him and how much he enjoyed reading it. I was stunned. I just assumed he never felt the need to check my blog out. I wasn't sure he even knew the name of it. I found out later that he had been reading it all along from the day I started it...along with my daughter's; but I already knew he read hers...and loved it. She's the one who wanted me to start my own blog to begin with. I guess if Joel had never commented on that piece, I might have gone along thinking it was just one more thing we didn't share in our lives....and I was grateful that he did; even for three short months.

Roberta S said...

What a sad but lovely story, joy. It's always nice to share -- and I seems that now you draw comfort from that sharing even though you weren't aware of it at the time.

I do share my blog and other's blogs with my husband, but at the same time, I know he is not deviously reading them as our computers are pretty much side by side and I do tend to watch what he is doing. He's usually playing a game or checking out the operating system commands.

Pauline said...

Hub sounds like a keeper. I love his comments about a regulated life and blogging being a conceited way of trying to make the world a better place. I grinned all the way through his diatribe on therapy and how loving writing the way you do borders on adultery (actually I snorted there :)

So, here's Hub's pat on the back from me. And here's one for you because this site is one of my favorites. Long may Hub leave it alone...

susan said...

Goodness, Roberta, I would simply have told Hub that you blog because it's much cheaper than long distance phone calls to keep in touch with friends. Guys always accept the practical more readily than the aesthetics.

Joy, my thoughts are with you in your loss. Makes me stop and think about all those little quirks I find annoying in my spouse.

susan @ spinning

Matty said...

You are one sharp cookie, you knew darn well how to end that discussion. Very simple, get him involved.
I'm convinced there's absolutely nothing that man won't do for a backrub or for attention! I suppose it is a form of 'cheating' in a way when 'he' feels you're spending too much time on blogging and not on him. You need to go cruising again, maybe a little parking should do it.

Roberta S said...

Thanks pauline. I'm very pleased to know you enjoy your visits with us. I'll relay your comment to Hub even though I know that when I do --- he'll sing at me.

Roberta S said...

Hi susan. Never thought of that approach but I will try it. It just might work in combination with the flattery that others have provided.

Roberta S said...

matty, thanks for stopping by but whose side are you on, anyhoo? From my own perspective I think Hub gets enough backrubs and enough of my attention. Even enough cruising with the radio on. So don't you even suggest more backrubs and 'member my dear...about the jaws of life. Parking is out of the question. So, psst...Your comment about more involvement is one comment Hub doesn't need to hear.

Matty said...

Sorry, I always put my foot in my mouth! I think Hub needs a hobby, maybe 'he' should take a course in 'how to give a proper massage' or 'getting in touch with your feminine side' etc.
Or why don't you tell him the real reason you blog?? You're hoping to find someone with a bigger blog,,,,,er, I mean a bigger car!

Roberta S said...

matty, I'm unto you girl -- I know exactly what you mean.