Sunday, November 18, 2007

Exfoliation Fallacies

First an intimate confession. Since the first feeble stirrings of hormones as an adolescent, I have been attracted to masculine ruggedness in the form of strong arms and bushy chests.

Now don’t be pulling that sad face with me just cause you happen to be a man that only was able to grow two chest hairs. That’s okay. You don’t have to don a tie. Just button up your shirt all the way and go read somebody else’s blog.

And so, the rest of us continue….

Now the other day I saw a menopause male with an exfoliated chest. Well, yeh, maybe it wasn’t exfoliated, but knowing his nature of preening and primping, and how well his head hair is doing, I’m pretty sure it was. It was so horrid. I wanted to weep.

So what if fellows lose their head hair. There’s nothing in that, that detracts from masculinity. (‘Member Yul Brynner.) And even when men end up with deeply engraved mid-life character lines that come from looking seriously into the faults of a truck engine or staying abreast of a woman’s needs, such engravings in no radical way damage the attractive burliness and brawn of younger years.

But when they fall for that silly routine of chest-hair exfoliation and then walk about with shirt agape at the neck and all you see is an unnatural sheen that gleams and highlights papery skin and wizened tendons that have no relationship to masculinity, that is gawd-awful.

A thatch of chest hair, whether black, brown, grey, or white, arouses eternal appeal.

I hate male chest-hair exfoliation. It’s as bad, no even worse, then grandmothers sporting tattoos. And grandmothers sporting tattoos of their younger years is akin to dressing up in modern artfully tailored fashion while distressing the whole look with a 1977 Souvenir T-shirt. And if accessories make the look why would one want to accessorize with an obsolete generational icon or insignia? (That’s why no one should get a tattoo until they become a grandmother and by then they will know better.) But I digress.

Returning to our current discussion, you know, as women, how we are encouraged to strive for eternal beauty with cosmetic surgery. To the extent that now even men are being seduced into similar procedures. So if I may assume that men yen to do for the sake of women what women yen to do for the sake of men (i.e. maintain a level of sexual attractiveness) then men should NOT be exfoliating any part of their bodies. If they must have a beauty routine, if they must have a cosmetic fix, then the first procedure they should lend themselves to when that reparative season comes, is transplanted chest hair, rather than head hair.

I’ve yet to see a really attractive man’s wig or hair-transplant. Most of them are as obvious as the nose on my face. And though carefully positioned physically, still always somehow out of position visually.

As for me, I’d be a whole lot happier if men (in particular, men of my age) sought to maintain masculinity though faux chest hairs or downy chest transplants. I’m thinking of a few older newsmen and talk-show hosts that could really resurrect their masculine appeal if they were to show up tomorrow on television minus a bad wig but with shirts agape and a furry-mat at the neck.

Man, I never thought the day would ever come when I would find myself encouraging cosmetic fixes for women, and least of all men, but I guess somehow in the flood of it all, I got swept along.


Jayne d'Arcy said...

A little chest fur is all right. A lot is not. When it falls out over the shoulders and the back, that's a gross factor (picture Dan Hedaya in Alien Resurrection - shudder).

I like men manly and even more so when they age well. You might appreciate my most recent post which was a photographic reply to a gal who loves those pretty boys with their exfoliated chests.

Roberta S said...

Welcome, jayne. Pleased to have you visit. I responded to your comment over at your place beneath your pretty-boy chest-exfoliated calendar.

I didn't see the picture you referred to, but sounds like it might be a little bit extreme even for me.

Matty said...

You hit the nail on the head. I like my men hairy...and I don't care if they are bald...just hairy chests, etc.
I was once madly in lust with a guy till I found out he shaved his pits.......I was apalled! What a turn-off......I like hairy pits (not mine) long as they shower!
But I don't like hairy ears or noses! on men or women!
I want a man to look like a man and smell like a man!
My son was telling me that a lot of guys shave their whole bodies esp if they go to the gym or they are into body-building. He calls them metro-sexuals.
There is nothing as sexy as a man who wears an open shirt and you can just see a glimpse of hair...don't care if it's black or grey...its' sexy as hell.
And yes..I do remember Yul Brynner & Telly Savalas. bring back good memories.

Roberta S said...

Matty, you make me laugh and laugh. Thank you for that solid support.

the old bag said...

...papery skin and wizened tendons....

Agreed -- that's just creepy!

Roberta S said...

Indeed it is, OB.

"Run, Run as fast as you can..
You can't catch me
Exfoliate man!"