Friday, October 2, 2009

Fly Poopies on My Toast

It’s quite okay that with aging my flesh has thinned and paled, my hair grayed, and that I have persistent and hardy curly black hairs descending from my chin, and the flesh on my neck is folding. I am not a vain person and I prepared myself to accept these changes with good grace…and I have.

But hey, there are other things going awry that I cannot so easily accept. And one of them, most annoying, most disconcerting is how something with a brain less big than an atom can drive me to such distraction. And how something can so rule my life. And so seriously challenge my sanity by squatting forever near me and casting its glossy eyes on me while rubbing its hands together with evil glee and sticking out its tongue at me with such obvious disdain.

And should I, for one moment, ignore his presence, he alights on my hair or flesh and walks about as if wearing hob-nail boots. He might be tiny, but you immediately know he is there – clomp, clomp, clomp.

So now this is what haunts every minute of my day and in the haunting has thoroughly crushed my confidence, courage, and control. For two long days he and I have been sparring. In my youth, I use to quickly take control of such a situation. But I am now an ‘elderly’ and I can only think it is because of that that I constantly and clumsily and fruitlessly misfire the fly swatter at that one annoying housefly.

No one ever told me that the ultimate curse of being an ‘elderly’ would be the sad day when I would have to give up in frustration on the killing of a housefly. And that someday I would become, in this combat, the weakest link, leaving me with only one ultimatum.

To cover my toast with a napkin and cup my hand over my mug while meekly and submissively horking down my food and drink as quickly as possible.


Alan G said...

Don’t lose hope Roberta. I stand with you 100% in your crusade!

I become almost fanatical when one gets in my house. And in those desperate times I grab a face mask, the bug spray, track him down until I know I have him cornered in a room, shut the door and fumigate anything and everything. Then I slip out the door quickly closing it behind me and wallow in the satisfaction of a job well done.

Your post reminded me of a personal experience I had well before the ‘elderly’ designation came into play. I may post it in a couple of days on my blog so I will be linking back to your post. Really enjoyed this post.

Pauline said...

This made me laugh out loud. It's tough to grow old, isn't it? Nothing works as it should except that which is out of our control!

Roberta S said...

Hi Alan G., thanks for visiting. Glad you enjoyed this little discussion and I will be looking forward to your own account of another similar situation.

Your photography is very special -- Your caterpillar photography humbling, but nonetheless, having nil experience in taking insect pictures, I did think my 'housefly bathing in the sun' deserved a space and discussion.

It has me excited about trying more small critter photography.

Roberta S said...

Pauline, always totally pleased when I give you a moment of laughter. Thanks for letting me know.

joared said...

Alan G.'s comments at his place referencing your blog post reminded me I hadn't buzzed over here to possibly, annoyingly, flit around for a while. I'm on edge watching for your swatter, so I'll be quick about it and I won't, well, you know what the fly did, while I'm here.

BTW I wrote a piece long ago referencing yellow circular spots I kept finding all over my car. I found out it was "bee poop." Whooda thunk it! They even had a picture on the Internet or I wouldn't have been convinced.

This piece is hilarious -- love your humor.

Roberta S said...

hi, joared. I always so totally enjoy your visits. The bee poop on your car is quite amazing. Meanwhile Hub and I are puzzled about what is making tiny spots of sticky on the the windows of Hub's truck. We concluded it is the Spruce or May Day trees weeping tiny tears of condensation because winter is so close upon us.

Glad you enjoyed the humor.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Roberta, Roberta, Roberta....I think we all must feel the same way about the dreaded housefly. I can't seem to rest when one has invaded my space. Just the other day one flew right by me as I had the front door open talking to someone...just for a few minutes. Just whizzed by me with his arrogant buzz...I knew I had to find him promptly before he would flit from room to room and buzz me to insanity. I and my newspaper finally did come out the victors after several failed defeats. (And yes, I have a flyswatter somewhere, but do I ever actually get it when I need it? NO! Besides, I miss as much with the flyswatter as I do with the newspaper....Geesh!) My next step would have been THE RAID!

Great post Roberta....good to come by and read your wonderful and witty words again. Hugs, Joy

Roberta S said...

hi Joy. You make me laugh. You're pretty darn good with the newspaper -- but geez, I hope you finished reading it first. Thanks for visiting.