Thursday, October 15, 2009

Burrowing Deep - Pt. 1

Behavior Patterns 101

Oh, a blazing sun is a great rarity here, but today is as hot as a brimstone pit. I long to stare at the sky, knowing I should not. Knowing full well that the artificial lens transplanted in my right eye acts like a magnifying glass that could easily and quickly smolder a tunnel into my brain. But maybe, that is just what I need to do.

Since eye-repair surgery, I am no longer in the habit of staring at things overhead – sun, clouds, and sky. I don dark glasses with ritual faithfulness all days and walk about with bowed head looking at my feet. Staring only at ground cover, turf, leaf mold, and soil. But more so, each day, as an elderly with a rotting brain, fading memory, and a fuzzy mind, I want to look up. It’s beginning to seem that a hollowed-out brain, consumed by smoke and fire is of little consequence.

I want to look up because there are things in my gray matter that perhaps a bonfire could cure. Starting with that anxious deep-seated belief that the world is close to utter destruction. An odd sort of destruction – destruction of humanity, not by atomic or cosmic force, and not by flood or fire, or the hand of an impatient creator, but insidiously through the destruction of what we feel and how deeply we feel it.

I believe the days of Armageddon began when researchers began ripping apart the magic and mysteries of life. When they began burrowing into investigations of DNA, brain cells, pheromones, ascendants, descendants, etc. until in their polished wisdom they refined all human behavior and relationships as chemical interactions rather than raw and organic spiritual phenomena.

So now the manual for ‘crafting behavior patterns’ is a mixture of Science, Physics, and Math – minus – for all time – ‘fuzzy emotions’.

I don’t have to tell you or anyone that fuzzy emotions are no longer part of the mix. Fuzziness is out of vogue. So far out of vogue that our present generation knows nothing of fuzziness. They don’t know it, can’t feel it, and fail to understand it. It no longer even rates as a topic for jest.

And so no longer are marital intentions ruled by holistic fuzzy emotions. The new non-organic and highly refined process is ruled by what one’s intended eats, where they work, how often they exercise, what vehicle they drive, and the health of their teeth.

Marital intentions also have much to do with taught, practiced, and reviewed verbal expressions of sensitivity, and taught, practiced and reviewed rituals such as bouquets for anniversaries, and scheduled post-marital date nights. And through these lessons, fuzziness of the heart has been replaced in all its wondrous aspects by physical expectations and rituals, rather than the sweet tug of hearts and souls intertwined. But then, let’s face it, hearts and souls intertwined are no longer in vogue, or understood as well.

I guess this is what happens when behavior patterns are converted into hard learning through charts and data, rather than through internal, and oh-so-vital connections and convictions. Weird how we clamor for organic food and alternative and holistic medicine for our physical bods, but for the soul we only want a highly processed (and somewhat toxic) mix minus the organics of raw conscience and warm, soft, and fuzzy flavor. But then as I have already mentioned, touchy-feely is out of vogue and so is soft and fuzzy.
And so, the loss of a raw and organic conscience and conviction is what happens when the mysteries of life are converted into lab language and reactions.

Yet, prior to today’s sophisticated and over-refined interpretations, when ‘unrefined behavior’ was not fully understood or analyzed from a biological perspective, when it was raw and organic, when it was such a great mystery and enigma, the strength of that monitor of behavior was so much more than it might otherwise have been.

I am witness to that. I saw with my own eyes when the organic conscience, that once was, could crush and break the hearts of wicked individuals with more writhing and pain than an electric chair. And I saw with my own eyes that same conscience, that once was, bestow bountiful joy and peace on those individuals who allowed it to gently guide their way. But that kind of behavior patterning is also out of vogue.

And so, today’s disfavor of violence, bullying, and cruelty; and alternatively favor of positive family intermingling learned from lessons without organic connection, lessons in an academic vein, generic, book learned, superficially planted in mind only, fail to truly alter disposition, or character.

And so such lessons (or should I call them calculations?), rather than burrowing deep into the spirit of individuals, and planting deep seeds of conviction, that can never be compromised, or ignored, are instead superficially splashed on an individual’s exterior, like moisture sprinkled on water-repellent canvas. ‘Good behavior’, manufactured or generic, is accomplished for the moment, but it can be shed at will. There is no inner saturation and so in the end, no certain or everlasting rendering of a delightful disposition of charity and generosity.

NEXT POST: A Holistic Conclusion


Pauline said...

"I believe the days of Armageddon began when researchers began ripping apart the magic and mysteries of life."

Knowing how something works should not dispel the magic but rather increase it - "how could such a marvelous thing be so constructed?" should always be our question.

Don't despair, Roberta - everything changes (except maybe us ;)

Roberta S said...

Pauline, I may live in a fantasy world, but I do think there is more beauty in mystery than science.
My side of the argument may come from the fact that whenever I manage to unravel the mystery of how something works I run a heavy risk of having tasks associated with that 'thing' transferred to my list of responsibilities. When I was working, it happened frequently at work. And it happens just as frequently at home. So perhaps that is why I take a rather global view of retaining the mysteries of other things and associations as long as possible as well.

Of course there is more to the discussion but it is not quite ready for posting.

Pauline said...

ha - there is truth to your examples - once I learned how to use the lawn mower, I was "selected" to mow the lawn! That aside, the things science discovers and attempts to explain are still miraculous!

Roberta S said...

As usual, Pauline, you make me laugh. Thanks for following along, and thanks for the notes. I'm going to withhold further comment for now. Hope we'll rally again later for a further discussion.

Julie Oakley said...

As you know I'm a dedicated follower of your blog Roberta but I can't agree. I never had the benefit of a good scientific education at school and only now am I discovering the beauty of science. I find that the baby footsteps I'm making reading how things, people and the world works (from a scientific perspective) fill me with wonderment.

Roberta S said...

Hi Julie, Thank you for that comment. Guess I feel there are trade-offs for everything and when I wrote this, I was particularly feeling that way. Besides my world is more often becoming a world of nostalgia, and that means that beyond my control is the constant conviction that 'life cannot ever be better than it was when I was a kid'.