Tuesday, April 10, 2007

What Old Women Dream

What do old women dream? Have you oft wondered? Could you even guess? Is it about intimacy, fantasy, old lovers, or new ones? Vacations, cruises, wealth? That would be nice, but more often than not, there is no honeyed nectar or gratification in old women’s dreams even though in dreams they are young, vivacious goddesses with sweet lips, fluid movements, satin skin, dainty feet, and silky hair.

I know you don’t know and I could say, ‘guess again’, but the guessing game is so annoying, that I will simply tell you without dallying what old women dream.

I’m an old woman and I had a dream. Hub bought me a silly software program for my computer. Droll, boring. When it came up on the screen it was about knitting. A long overwhelming program of how to make cables, twists, uncommon stitches with up to four balls of thread, 3 stitch-holders, and 16 needles all at one time.

Now I am a novice knitter, occasionally able to foil my way through an intermediate project. Of course I have my own little tricks. If I miss a stitch, I make one and if I have too many, I knit two together. Those kind of minor errors are not sufficient reason for me to unravel 40 rows that I so diligently worked to complete. But the level of expertise in this software program made my head ache and all I wanted to do was eject that CD and smash it into smithereens.

But you know how dreams are. They can slam you into a place where you so do not want to be and hold you there kicking and screaming, but they will not let you go. You can’t run and you can’t hide in a dream. Legs water, presence like a flashing neon light. So there I was, cursing Hub, stuck in this software program that was every bit as annoying as a program that offers integration into Ultimate fighting or Smack-Down boxing. Yuk.

But in the midst of the many needles clicking and clacking in the foreground, and a droning annoying instructional voice in the background, I spotted a tiny icon in the lower right hand corner of the screen. That’s when I discovered that if I clicked on that tiny icon, it gave me a pop-up with choices like knit, purl, yarn forward, skip stitch, decrease, cast on, etc.etc.

And what’s more, then I discovered that Hub had my computer connected to a small and simple adapter with hooks and a ball of yarn. And guess what? When I clicked ‘cast on’, the computer said, ‘how many stitches?’ And when I selected 120 – it cast on 120 stitches, and now all I had to do is select the stitch abbreviations and man were we knitting. Fast as Hub’s computer train. No errors, no dropped stitches, no raveling, no runs. Clickety-click. Clickety-clack. Whoo-Hoo!

But when things get that good, there is always a hitch. Hub said, “Let me try,” and I did. The rest of the night I spent watching Hub churn out a scarf, a vest, a sweater, a dog jacket, and when I woke up I was really annoyed. There are days that it is exceeding difficult for me to ignore Hub’s weird sense of humor, and other annoying idiosyncrasies without him invading an old woman’s dreams disguised as a handsome lithe Greek God in order to….Knit!

6 comments:

Pauline said...

I never dream of Greek gods...I did dream I was sorting needles by their eye size. I suppose that stems from sewing for the last four days with a batch of second graders - they were forever pulling the thread out of the needle and I was forever rethreading. I shudder to think what I must do in the daytime to dream of gods ;)

Matty said...

Odd, but I never see myself old in dreams,,,,I'm always busy in dreams, doing, running, swimming, flying, many sexual dreams, yes, I know that's weird,,,believe me I've broken a few alarm clocks when they disturbed my dreamy sex life.....and death. I dream in color, black &white, I've spoken fluent French and Italian in dreams and marveled at myself. But I've never dreamt of housework or knitting in my dreams. I've woken up crying from my dreams and woke up laughing but not quite remembering the joke. Maybe its because I eat before sleep...no idea, but I love dreaming.
Well, I think its darn romantic that Hub can make your life easier even in dreams.

Joy Des Jardins said...

That is so great Roberta. I've loved knitting most of my life. Though I don't do it anywhere near what I use to....this sounds like a great way to dabble in it for fun.

Hey, don't let Hub invade our Old Women Dreams.....they're ours to do with as we may. I've had some some doozies....so real that they've woken me up. I've always loved vivid dreams....especially tender loving ones. I'm such an incurable romantic. I have some pretty amazing powers in my dreams...very psychic.

Roberta S said...

pauline, that is just too funny -- 'sorting needles by eye size'. That sort of thing borders on the disease of insomnia. But who knows, if gods in dreams want to 'knit' rather than do courageous macho things, there may be some in dreamland that want to 'sew'...

Roberta S said...

matty, you certainly are a whirlwind of activity in your dreams. Especially fascinating is your fluency in other languages. I woke up crying unconsolably a couple days after we moved to this house. I dreamt I had a coffee party to meet all the ladies in the area and I poured hot coffee on everyone's dresses. The dream was so real that waking up and realizing it was a dream couldn't erase my dismay. I was sad for days.

Roberta S said...

joy, it would be neat to have that kind of knitter, wouldn't it? Then we could do two things at once, the best kind of things, blogging and knitting.

So keep on knitting, and keep on with the Harlequin dreams. Both are pastimes well worth pursuing. And I will tell Hub to stay out of my dreams or at least to stay out of my way in my dreams. And if he won't listen, I'll let him know that joy des jardin said so and she has some really pleasurable dreams, so she knows! :)