Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Big Lie - Part II

A Mother-Load of Lies

So as I told you in my intro, Hub only knew me as this congenial, laughable, light-hearted, devoted girl. But that was for the first year or two. And I never thought for a minute that any of that which I presented was devious or a lie. But it was.

The truth came out later. The truth that at three o’clock in the afternoon, I like shuffling around looking the same as when I first rolled out of bed – in faded housecoat, with medusa hair, and mismatched socks. That I want my own way or I pout. That I even throw things (not any more, but I did for a time). That I can be hateful and mean and completely unreasonable.

And as for pressing jeans, ironing shirts, polishing shoes? I don’t think so. Won’t be happening around here. Not routinely, anyway.

So you see what I gave Hub to believe about me so long ago was an absolute lie! This marriage, that I was so smugly convinced was based on honesty, really started out with a mother-load of lies.


Now you know and I know what they all say. “You can’t deal with a liar” and “you can’t build a relationship on a lie.” And that is true except in this case there was a bit of a twist.

While I was lying to him he was also lying to me. What he led me to believe about his exceptional patience and long-suffering demeanor was as much of a stretch as my stint at the ironing board, my good humor, and my fixation with flawless grooming.

And another thought. I think we all readily assume that whoever authored the lyrics of that little chant… “Liar, liar. Pants on fire,” was simply writing a nonsense rhyme for juveniles. But perhaps that isn’t true. Turns out the phrase is a shrewd description (and discernment) of the dynamics of the lies that I told.

So now, with an expectation of doing better, I feel compelled to tell you how red-faced ashamed I am. I’m ashamed of all my lies and devious acts. And if I were to offer an excuse it would be this. ‘Lovers, through no fault of their own are inadvertently cast into a highly emotional state that cannot separate right from wrong.’ But that won’t do either because, for liars, there are NO excuses.

So I must live with my shame, confess my shame, apologize for my shame and promise never to do it again. I’m willing to do all that, but in the end there is an evil piece in my soul that I cannot purge. What is lurking there in a dark corner is a desperate marauder that longs for the good old days when Hub and I lived each new and glorious day with such wickedness and complete disregard for truth.


So in conclusion, there you have it. And even though I’ve apologized and humbled myself to the level of a ground crawler, I still can’t find a way to feel the teeniest, tiniest bit of remorse.


Joy Des Jardins said...

Well, here's how I see it. (Even though I think this is another one of yuor tongue-in-cheek masterpieces.)

We all lie about some things that we don't even think are that important to introduce into a relationship. When those little lies start to surface...from both parties, like you doesn't matter by that time. We've grown to love beyond those petty things. We have already established a core of something more meaningful. Those little dishonesties become small annoyances that we just deal with and sometimes even laugh together at. That's the key, I think that we DO laugh at them. Once the laughing stops....that's when the guilt and shame comes in.

I'd say Hub got a pretty wonderful deal...lies or not. Besides, I have a feeling he knew you were a 'little devil' long before your little white lies showed up. Wonderful posts Roberta...I really enjoyed them.

Roberta S said...

Yes, joy, this was indeed written tongue-in-cheek (satire?). I thought maybe no one was commenting cause they took me way too seriously. To interpret this as a complaint about life would be a mistake. Hub and I are content and amiable.

At the same time there is some underlying truths about relationship-lies that I wanted to expose. Your comment helps put them in proper perspective.

Anonymous said...

I got ya. hub

Matty said... it. I'm so glad to know that you're not perfect all the time. I'm sure that when hub saw the great bread you baked he overlooked the few discrepancies...that's not a lie, is it? you do bake bread?

Roberta S said...

Hi matty, rest assured. I do bake bread every week. Seven loaves the old fashioned way.

Glad you enjoyed the post, matty.

Roberta S said...

OMG, that anonymous snippet was Hub playing with "fast access" on his new cell phone. A first for him -- first comment on my blog, first comment on any blog.

I shudder to think he might make this a habit.

Yah, he got me alright.

Pauline said...

Those little white lies - they'll get you every time. The Big Lie made me chuckle. Good thing truth is malleable.

Roberta S said...

Thanks for stopping in, pauline. Truth is when you're amused, I chuckle. I'm amused as well.