Monday, January 1, 2007

What Words?

Every mechanism has a dependency. Even a light bulb. The dependency is a source of power. People are no different. We have dependencies. And if we ignore those dependencies, we might as well attempt to vacuum stars from the sky with the shop vac. That’s how ridiculous it would be to attempt to have a happy heart and contented mind without being mindful of our own unique dependencies.

But throughout our lives, dependencies evolve and change. A simple example might be that an infant’s dependency is food and the comforting smell of his mother. Adolescent dependencies are friends and fashion. Teenage dependencies are love and romance. Family dependencies are good health and financial success. So you see as we travel through life, our dependencies change. Weaving, overlapping, sometimes being dismissed and supplanted by another. And when the dependencies of any one season are met we are happy and well satisfied.

And so that brings me to my current dependency. It is words. The unshakable confidence that I can create, settle, explore, resolve anything, with words. Words are the oil for the efficient function and satisfaction of my soul and body and mind. But as the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, a ghastly realization hit me. That 2006 dependency on words suddenly rotated in to some other dependency.

I discovered at that particular moment when others were setting off fireworks that I had thoughts I couldn’t express in words. Profound thoughts. Thoughts with purpose, and mandate, and meaning that could not be expressed. I guess as we flipped to a New Year, at that very moment I graduated to another stage of dependency. A place where I felt emotions that were not in the dictionary. A collection in the mind of light-weight teasers and, at the same time, consequential ponderings. Thoughts of pleasure and pain. Love and friends. Mortality and immortality. But all of those thoughts suddenly outside any context that could be accomplished with words. And furthermore, they were thoughts that could not be mimed with interpretive dance (though God knows, I tried). Thoughts that could not be mimed through music (tried that too). Thoughts that couldn’t be expressed in rhyme, unsteady rhythm, or rap (I went there as well). Thoughts that couldn’t be painted (at least not inside the lines). I could no more wrap a solid in liquid than wrap those thoughts in words.

But I have just finished reading “DaVinci’s Code” and perhaps that is what has uncovered this ghastly truth. But I am undaunted. I’ll tell you my thoughts but circumstances force me to tell you in the secret cipher of cryptography.

This is what I was thinking on New Year’s Eve.

....“. (hic)

Good thing we understand the DNA that links us all together isn’t it?
Causeyouwerethinkingthesamething – Right?


Pauline said...

Interesting that you could find no words for your thoughts when it is in words that we think. However, I have often been in a position of being unable to find the exact words I want to express what I'm feeling, because the accompanying emotions have all been named and it's a nuance I'm trying to explain. It is a dilemma, this inablility to find just the right words to convey feeling...and yet you have done so well at doing just that :)

Anne said...


Matty said...

You hit the head on the nail! Why are my dependents being so dependent? I like to think independently when I'm alone but not with others,,,,,and I depend on them to not depend on me. Is that asking too much?? Now only if someone can bring me the 'Depends' I need.
Hic! Sorry.
Great Post. Food for thought!
Wishing you the best in the New Year.

Roberta said...

pauline, your comment amazes me. This post was written half as spoof yet with some kind of inexplicable thoughts at the core. Reading your comment was like finding clarification of the part that was so puzzling to me. I kept thinking 'this is nonsense, I have the words', but geez, maybe I seriously didn't have the words. I think now I really, truly, didn't. 'Member how I explained to you about the rhythm in your poem, you have just explained to me what I was really trying to say and I find that utterly amazing.

Roberta said...

anne, my response to you is why "Eh?" from someone who pushed truffles up people's noses in 2006. Eh?

(rolling eyes, and laughing)

Roberta said...

matty, pass me that jug and let's see if we can finish it off. We can discuss our dependency on Depends another day, if we can find the words to express that kind of dependency.

Happy New Year's you silly, funny, friend!

Pauline said...

Feelings are elusive little buggers, aren't they? And words often seem inadequate to describe them but I suspect that's because we can't find the "exact" words we are looking for. When we do "discover" them, our writing sings, though, doesn't it?

Roberta said...

pauline, I don't know if it works for my prose, but it certainly works for your poetry!