Saturday, December 19, 2009

Untitled Thoughts

Today I write recklessly thoughts as they come. Too inebriated with concern to care how my thoughts are perceived. And what I’m so concerned about is ‘my golfer friend’ (may I call him that even though I don’t know him personally), and his wife. And what concerns me most is that adultery may not be as destructive to their two lives, as the media may well be.

Digging for dirt, digging for more dirt. With all that dirt flying reporters are missing the obvious. And the obvious, to me, is that any woman who would pursue her man in anger, with a golf club, and smash windows out of his car – cares. Very much cares. If she didn’t, she would simply fill another bowl on the coffee table with trail mix and settle down to watch a little television.

The two of them have money, and they have luxury, but what they don’t have is time in their busy lives for bonding and more importantly self-reflection. And in that self-reflection, that there is no time for, the understanding of responsible behavior to protect and uphold each other.

And because they don’t have that self-reflective time, neither can find within themselves the realization that despite what has happened, they care deeply about each other. That the livid rage stems from caring. That the heartbreak stems from caring. That the tree and the smashed window all stem from caring.

And furthermore, how can they know any of this when everyone is advising wife, that in order to preserve her good name, and her self-respect, she must leave him? And he, to preserve some slight semblance of dignity must scream from the rooftops what he has done. Neither of them need advice, review of past sins, and more advice. What they need is quiet time with their own thoughts. He needs time alone in his cave to realize the gravity of his actions, and ultimately, the realization that has not yet hit, that she is integral to his life and the well-being of both he, and his children.

Decisions need to be made, but they are decisions of the heart, and thus cannot and should not be based on society’s perception of fashionable dignity. No one, absolutely no one, knows the intimacy of another’s heart, or even their own heart, if they take no time or thought for critical examination.

I am drunk with worry. Seriously inebriated. But in this state I am a cranky drunk. Yes, infidelity is evil, no two ways about it. But one of the media persons that is all over the evils of infidelity, the lack of respect, etc. has a story of her own. She was married for a time to a great husband, a lovely understanding person, (who is still a close and dear friend), but she left the marriage because of a change in sexual preference.

So then, I begin to wonder theoretically. What led that individual to this new enlightenment? Would it be too much of a stretch for me to think that a hetero, could know this, could perceive this, have a certainty in this, without participating in a homo tryst? And if so, is that not infidelity? Or is such infidelity not considered infidelity because it is a seamless blend of a homogenous mix?
I know we have too many laws, but still we have not enough. There should be a law against all commentary of personal matters of the heart. It is every bit as necessary as a law against uncontrolled police pursuits. This is an uncontrolled pursuit and parallel in everyway to a police pursuit, that so endangers innocent bystanders, in this case, the children.

Famous or not, my golfer friend and his wife, have a right to examine, without interference, where they choose to go from here and be damned the issues of self respect, dignity, etc. in a society that thirsts more for blood than manna.

It seems to me that this harassment of their personal lives, only fuels the heartbreak they are already dealing with. In my mind, these two people, may well have hidden in all the turmoil, a deep affection that needs to grow, that needs to mature, and that needs to heal, and possibly could, if they allowed only their own hearts to advise them the path to take. But the media has buried all that in a mountain of dirty ‘good clean advice’. Even the uneducated man or woman on the street knows that in these situations, you don’t give advice. You simply listen and lend support for strength in the moment.

But in this instance, with all the advice being dished out, the divorce lawyer is too soon on the line.


joared said...

I agree your golfer friend and his wife should disregard all the outside intruders in their lives while they re-assess the prospects of a continued life together. Only the two of them can know what they promised each other and what each is willing to tolerate from the other. My caring and concern is for the children. Meeting their best interests may or may not require their parents remain wed to each other. For all we know this incident to which we have been partially publicly exposed may simply be the final straw, if you'll pardon the cliche. The sooner they're all out of the public eye the better for all of them and us. It can't happen too soon for my tastes.

Pauline said...

Roberta, this should be published by every media outlet in the nation. Then a copy should be sent to your golfer friend and his wife.

Joy Des Jardins said...

Roberta, I couldn't agree with you more. These two lives have been publicly scrutinized in the media so distastefully and with little thought for their children, it truly amazes me. Excellent post.

Roberta S said...

joared, wisely said. I so agree with you.

Roberta S said...

Thank you Pauline, for that kind comment. Unfortunately on this page there are only three readers. And already, from the comments, they understand what would be the right thing to do.

I hesitated to post this, and because of that hesitation, kept shying away from any specific identities. God only knows what could get a person in deep trouble nowadays.

Roberta S said...

Thank you, Joy. You are so right. It is so sad to think that perhaps things could have been set straight if the tiniest wee bit of consideration were given to Tiger and his wife.

Alan G said...

I have started several times to write a post on my blog about this particular individual and the latest revelations but there are so many parts to the “whole” I have found it difficult to convey my thoughts on the matter in a satisfactorily manor understandable by others. And I enjoy your blog so much and certainly wanted to say something about this issue since I certainly consider it an “issue” of some proportion for me personally. But even so, I am sure I will fall short of making my point.

As to the issue of privacy in this instance, I completely agree that it should remain a matter of privacy….for the most part. Certainly the details and inner relationship between the man and his wife and children and any ultimate solution and/or conclusion should be respected. Unfortunately, unlike you or me as a child put in similar circumstances, these children will hear about this throughout their lives, given their father’s celebrity status. That is very unfortunate for them and I can only wish them the best in dealing with it.

But as to the issue itself and the sport Tiger has chosen to be a part of, unlike perhaps any other sport there is in this world, golf is as reflective of the morals of the man, or woman, as it is of his talent as a golfer and competitor. I have played golf most of my life and am a mediocre golfer at best. But I, perhaps to my own detriment, am a purest when it comes to golf. I’m “old school” if you will. Golf is a game inclusive of integrity and honesty and although loosely referred to in times past as a “gentleman’s game”, that was based to a degree on the morals of the men who played the game.

Golf is a game where you can go out on the course, play eighteen holes by yourself and then tell the world what you shot. It is assumptive and presumptive that you played the game in an honest manner, obeying all the rules (and golf has many). When playing in public tournaments you are certainly much more under a microscope with the many peering eyes but even so, there still remains many opportunities to cheat and disobey rules if you are of such a mind.

So when it comes to Tiger I obviously have a problem. For me, and I am speaking solely of me, I cannot separate the “parts” from the “whole”. I could probably deal with “a” transgression no doubt, but to the degree that has been publicized, there is just no way. It involves dishonesty and lack of integrity on a grand scale and is pretty much “in the face” of everything considered between the lines in the sport of golf.

Stealing is stealing, regardless of whether you are Robin Hood or Al Capone! Morals are inclusive of the individual and not just selective parts.

I don’t presume “golfers” to be saints, not in the least. And even though I may be doing so, I certainly don’t want to give that impression. Certainly Tiger’s stature in the sport played an enormous role in this issue, but if your goal is to be the best there ever was (and he was certainly on his way), there are standards and morals that must be a part of that feat.

I hope Roberta that I have made some sense of what I have tried to convey. Sorry I used so much of your ‘blog paper’ in the process. :)

Roberta S said...

Hi Alan, I read your comment with keen interest. It almost seems to me that as a golfer, a golfer of honor, you are saddened that this situation came about.

I see a distinction in the morality of adultery vs cheating in a game. One form of dishonesty stems from a physical need that is totally disconnected from the brain. The other, the golf game thing, is a kind of spiritual honesty that DOES connect to a brain. So I'm not completely convinced that adultery and game-cheating are within the same spectrum or that a fault in one will necessarily connect to a fault in the other. Course I really don't know -- you may well be more right than I.

Still thanks for commenting and giving me another perspective to ponder.