Monday, March 23, 2009

An Exercise in Exercise

I’m so fed up with the constant drone of the message of good health through regular exercise. It’s a theory I remain skeptical about. And with my love of freedom, I have objections to an oppressive exercise regime that forces me to hand over lengthy irretrievable chunks of my lifetime to the most undesirable of activities.

‘Living longer and stronger’ is a questionable theory at best, if one considers the balance of input and output. It seems likely to me that if the accumulated drill time were mathematically tallied and subtracted from a fixed lifetime, the remaining ‘living time’ is more likely to be less than the foreshortened life of a couch-potato.

If quality of life means anything, wouldn’t it be better if more time could be carved out of a yet-undetermined-life-span for more pleasant indulgences? Like a cozy nap, a good book, idle thoughts, twiddling my thumbs, or basking in the sun? Shouldn’t I give preeminence to that, rather than to ripping great raw and ritual chunks of my one and only life-span to the long walk, the long jog, the long drill, and the long grind at the gym with tread-mill and bench-press?

I’ve often contemplated this kind of debate about gain or loss. But now I can finally sit up, clap my hands with glee, and wiggle my toes with delight. My good cheer today is a consequence of a report on Health News that the latest study has proven that compressed exercise can be every bit as beneficial as the extended sessions previously recommended.

So how elated was I to find that this new study suggests that equal benefits can be achieved with only 3 minutes of brisk exercise twice a week? How sweet to know that there is a way to sidestep the time-consuming exercises of the past that gluttonously devoured huge blocks of valuable and irreplaceable present-time existence.

The one drawback is that with the new condensed approach to exercise, there is a warning. The warning is that very few individuals will have sufficient zeal to get blood vessels flowing and heart pumping with the vigor needed to achieve the desired effect.

Still, it’s a warning that doesn’t apply to me. I examined my life style and found I fully meet the strait-laced and unbending requirements of the 3-minute program. I have vigor. I have zeal. In fact my routines go far beyond that requirement.

So now let me tell you how my personal program works.

Starting first thing every day there is the intense frolic of pulling myself out of bed including the repeated rocking to get a leg on the floor and my body off the bed. And then, combined with that, the effort to recover a wayward sock that slithered under the bed. An effort with such extreme stretch and intensity it gridlocks my neck in the search (oh pain!), but eventually the sock is retrieved. But now my bones are locked in a low crawl position and upright stance can only be achieved with as much effort as it would take a walrus to scale a telephone pole.

And so, when I eventually right myself, we move on to calisthenics with even greater intensity. Now, rather than sitting on the bed or bracing myself against wall, bed, or dresser, as I used to do, I dress free-standing in the middle of the room. Obviously dressing from the waist down is most challenging – i.e. underpants, socks, jeans—but I keep my balance, on one leg at a time, with a fast flailing dance imitative in every respect of keeping one’s balance in a slip-dance on keen ice. It can’t get more intense than that.

So you see, I haven’t even had morning coffee yet, but my exercise program is vigorous enough that I can cancel, guilt-free, gym visits or road jogs. The process may have swiped 20 minutes from my free-living time, rather than the optimum 3 minutes, but at the same time, I am well-ahead of the exercise game for this week, this month, this year.

And yes, I am exhausted and as breathless as I should be. All my muscles have been stretched, all blood-paths rushed, heart palpitated, and all cells oxygenated. And now I’m so ready for the couch.

12 comments:

WheelDancer said...

The best exercise routine is the one that you will actually do. This seems to be one of the things the "experts" don't take into account and, I think, discourage folks from activity by making them feel defeated before they even start.

I have been blessed with a passion for bicycling and integrate it into my life by riding my bike to work. I tend not to be much of an exercise for the sake of it kind of guy but do get a steady exercise diet just by going about my day.

Anonymous said...

I'm worn out just envisioning your morning routine! I empathize. I have a similar one, and it never occured to me that I was exercising every single day. I've been attending a session for those 55 and older three days a week. I don't begrudge the effort as much as I regret the loss of time it takes to participate. My day would get off to a much better start if I could dive into my office and work uninterrupted through the morning. Perhaps I'll have to give some consideration to my dressing routine. Maybe I could put my shoes clear across the room, or drop my socks on the floor.....

buffy
arrrgh.redeaglespirit.com

Roberta S said...

WheelDancer, thank you for that comment. I really admire your integration style for exercise rather than letting it extract from the more pleasurable things you prefer to do with your time. Wish we could all find a way to do that.

But I do write, partly in 'spoof' -- I walk my doggies twice a day in the woods--long walks--rain or shine, and I have to admit I seldom find it an unpleasurable routine.

Roberta S said...

Hi buffy, I appreciate you stopping in. Yes, indeed, I know from reading your blog, you are plenty busy without a specific set-aside exercise session. And yes, if you still feel your at home program is not enough, before going to bed you could throw your shoes up on the roof and put next mornings outfit...I don't know...maybe out on a hanger on the line or a back corner of the garage. (chuckling)...but most important of all, don't be sitting down or leaning against the wall to put your jeans on.

The Old Bag said...

This is hilarious -- thank God we're all getting our daily quotient!

Pauline said...

Roberta - you never fail to amuse me with your rants. I am not an "organized" enthusiast, be it thought or religion or exercise. I figure all those two mile daily walks (more on weekends), vacuuming and dusting, bending to count the dust bunnies under the bed and frequent trips to see what might appear on the fridge shelves while I stand there more than qualify as exercise. Come sit on my sofa, I'll make tea, and we'll talk about it :)

Roberta S said...

Thank you Pauline. Dust bunnies are pretty safe around here -- quite distant from any soon-to-be-extinct species.
And you are right, beyond all that must be done, there are always many more things to do, if one cares to do the exercise needed to do them.
But, nah, let's not overdo the excercise thing. Instead, let's go have that pleasurable chat and cup of tea instead.

Roberta S said...

Hi jeannie. Thanks for visiting, and sharing your good humor.
Yep, we're all in good shape. And totally free of annoying commitments to gym time.

Joy Des Jardins said...

You are my hero! I'm counting it. I'm counting my 'getting dressed' routine every morning. Well, it's just as much fun as yours...sometimes better. I do add other exercises (mostly to help stretch a muscle in my back that gives me a problem once in a wile from sitting so damn much at this computer), and I've been trying to add some walking to my day too....(not always successful.) I like your 3-minute workout much better Roberta. I will definitely count it as part of my routine. I feel so much better. Thanks sweetie...

Roberta S said...

joy, thanks for the visit. You make me laugh. Really there is no need for any excercise add-ons, we're exercise gurus, in the best shape, through the physical intensity of simply getting up each morning and going to bed every night.

Right now its almost time for my vigorous lay-down for the night. Thank you again for taking the time to chat.

Dick said...

Eminently sensible, Roberta. What amuses me a little cruelly is the high incidence of dodgy knees, roaming cartilages and locking backs amongst those of my peers who took regular exercise in youth. All I've ever done for exercise is walking, a bit of weight-lifting and some sit-ups and, whilst creaking and cracking somewhat, all the important parts are still operating fluidly enough.

Roberta S said...

Hi Dick. I have a similar vein of thinking as your own. Better fluid operation of critical parts then lumpy residues of what were once biceps, triceps, and a six pack.