Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Happenings and Consequences

I’ve never given a lot of thought to positive or negative mind control, except for some loosely-knit and conflicting notions in a dusty corner of my mind.

In a bland-thinking way, I’ve always thought that ‘if’ faith-healing happens, a part of that happening is the placebo of positive thought. Yet alternatively (though some doctors are avid proponents of positive thinking), I dispel the belief that patients can fight physical illness with positive thinking. Agreed, it is beneficial, but only as an add-on to medical cures.

Unfortunately, what the doctor-proponents of this belief fail to say is how many of the cases cured by positive thought are psychosomatic, and how many are not. But here the discussion becomes an enigma because patients don’t know, and doctors cannot say with any certainty, which illnesses stem from the mind and which stem from the body. It is no different than the argument about which came first – the chicken, or the egg? Did a distressed mind initially lead to the disease, or did the disease precede the distressed mind?

I’ll agree it is beneficial to be positive but I’m not convinced that one can create an imaginary army of warriors that can fight, without medical assistance, arthritic pain, a killer toothache, stomach flu, or even more serious problems. If that were true, it would make us all way too responsible for how we feel for me to accept it. (Especially since every one else has psychosomatic ailments, but not me!). Besides which, with my wild thinking, the imaginative cure would give me a bloody unfair advantage over others who only deal in reality.

This discussion is going somewhere, I’m just not sure where. But that last thought brings something else to mind that I must tell you. And that is how much I hate that old saying, ‘that everything happens for a reason.’ I just can’t swallow it. Or even understand the reasoning in it. I can accept that ‘some things happen for a reason’ but not ‘everything’.

I have seen too many innocent children and kindly adults go through horrors that are way beyond any reason. Maybe I misinterpret the saying, but to me this phrase, in plainer language, says, ‘Everyone gets what they deserve.’ And if that means bad acts get bad consequences, I’m okay with that, but if it means that bad consequences are a result of reasonable actions because down the road the whole matter will be reversed in a beneficial way, I have a serious problem with that. How much pain must one endure while they are waiting, within a limited lifetime, for the next flip flop?

I don’t know if you can make a bit of sense out of what I just said, but nevertheless we continue.

As for me, I don’t do astrology, and I am not superstitious. Although again, I guess I am – in a bland-thinking sort of way. So often bloggers are in a similar state of yen that I can only chalk up the similarity to the positioning of stars and planets.

Climate can not cause the phenomena, because of the variations throughout the globe. Calendar time has to be dismissed as a possible link if there is no direct influence at the time of a widely celebrated holiday. So what’s left to cause this duplication of mood and thinking, except ocean tides and planets? So I guess, in an oblique way, I do delve in astrology.

And I insist I am not superstitious. I do not walk around ladders, I don’t give black cats a thought or broken mirrors, but I do have an uneasy moment every time I check the calendar and find Friday, the 13th staring me in the face. I don’t become quivery or panicky, but you won’t find me on an airplane, or a long road trip that day, when I have 364 other days to choose from.

Now this prologue, I felt was necessary, before I say what I really wanted to say today which is very brief. I wanted to say it to you yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. I wanted to say it last week, last month, last year and the year before that. I wanted to say it this morning, this afternoon, this evening. It seems like forever I have felt the retching need to say it like a nasty vomiting urge, but I refused to say it. And I guess, truth is, I couldn’t say it because of positive-thinking reasons, astrological reasons, and superstitious reasons.

I just think by saying it, acknowledging it, I will make it chronic and give it everlasting life. I am leery to say it and that leeriness is somehow tied indirectly to all that I have just told you. To say it erases whatever good comes from positive thinking. To say it is to acknowledge that I am superstitious and have some kind of foolish superstitious-thinking connected to the admission.

But I don’t care. I bloody don’t care. Today I will bloody out with it. I can hold it back no longer. I just can’t.

What I’ve so wanted to tell you is…“I am tired.” Not physically unwell, just really tired.

And if this is happening for a reason, as in ‘everything happens for a reason’, then I have a problem with that as well. The obvious reason is I am getting old. The ‘happening’ is ‘tired’. The ‘reason’ is ‘old’.

So now, for the people that accept this phrase and use this phrase and believe in this phrase, is not your devotion to the phrase connected to a comfort that you draw from it? Is that not true? Well, for me there is nothing comforting about it.

Man, why did I do this? Now tomorrow I’ll be way more tired than I am today.

6 comments:

norachristie.blogspot.com said...

Roberta, you are one deep thinker. There are so many points to today's essay I hardly know where to begin. Perhaps at the end. You sound like your tiredness is not just because of lack of sleep. Psychic tiredness? A malaise of spirit? See, I am quick to read all sorts of things into it.

As for "everything happens for a reason," I tend to believe that. I think we have to say this in order to live with misfortune.

I do so enjoy the way your mind works, circling and circling gracefully, and then coming to the nutmeat.

So, taking you at face value: Get some rest! Somehow, some way, for body, mind, and spirit.

An admirer,
Nora

(my comment to your comment is on my blog)

Pauline said...

Had to chuckle when I got to this part... "So often bloggers are in a similar state of yen that I can only chalk up the similarity to the positioning of stars and planets." (Go read my blog to see why.) As always, you make me smile and think deeply.

And my thinking on all this would be that simply to acknowledge the problem of being tired allows you the option of doing something about it. Since you feel it's due (at least in part) to aging, then schedule a regular nap into your afternoon (it's one of life's greatest pleasures, the afternoon nap) and feel better for it. Hub's cabin sounds the ideal place. Make a cup of hot tea, relax, and let yourself fall asleep.

Joy Des Jardins said...

I've never seen someone 'beat themselves up' so badly for being tired. I agree with Pauline...retreat to Hub's cabin with that cup of tea and some soft music...relax and take a nice leisurely nap. Or, if in fact, the reason is 'old' and this is just how it's going to be Roberta...I guess you need to just schedule some down-time into your day....every day. I know...easier said than done...I can't seem to do a lot of things I should do either. It's a lot easier giving advice than taking it. Loved this post... Love, Joy

Roberta S said...

nora, thank you for visiting, the lovely compliments, and the kindly encouragement. The cure is effected. All it took was the courage to spit it out and of course, a few kind words, from some really special friends.

Roberta S said...

Hi pauline, I'm taking your advice. Heading out to the cabin right now. But 'let myself fall asleep'(?), not always so easy. In this weather I keep wondering if the old stove needs some more wood.

Thanks for visiting Pauline. I did read your blog and remain convinced the stars and planets are interfering as well.

Roberta S said...

Thank you, joy. You always have a way of making the current situation seem okay. And you are right -- I beat myself up because I think I need to be doing a whole lot more than I'm doing.

What the hay? We'll just do what we feel like doing and not worry about the rest. Thanks for stopping in.